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FreNcH ToAsT & ReDBuLL
Thursday, February 26, 2009
what's happening to me??..what's wrong with me??...am i pushing myself in getting what i want??..or am i pushing u??..so many questions...so little answers...is it me who is causing all diz to happen??..can somebody juz pinch me ...??..i need help here..Yana, Nora, Wati, Yan...anybody???..help me please...am i the cause of this??..am i that stupid??..WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??..TO: YANA & NORA
Yana & Nora...if you're reading this...help me...i know u guyz know what i'm going through..its not mas...its me..i didnt realise till monday...how am i suppose to pull through..among the 3 of us..i'm the patience one...so why am i like diz??..i need you guyz right now...family...i can't think of anyone but the both of u...its been the longest time since we sit down & update with our lives..i got so many things to update the both of you..Some are good & definitely some are bad...we're family..but its been a long time since we hang out..my treat u guyz..u can't push me away..
TO: BABY
My love, with alot going on...i can pull through...its not you...its me...as much as i love you honey..i really dun want it to affect you as well..you n i both know..i swear to b, its not u..its really not you...if i've hurt you i'm really sorry..all those situations, i actually understand why u did that too...seriously b, i'm very2 proud u sign on..seriously i do...its a stable job..but the overseas trip...i'm slowly swallowing it dear...please be patient with me..i'm sorry about the engagement thingy...believe me..i'm very2 sorry...In the phone, when we talk, i'm doin my very best not to show you how i really feel..but deep down i know u can tell..we've gone through so much in this relationship...dont let this bring you down & i wont let myself down..i promise you...all this we end very2 soon..like i've said, i'm very2 sorry if i have offend you..i guess one of us is ready n the other is not..but dun worry..it doesnt change anything..we're still here..together..it bring me even more joy to know at the end..it still me u love dear..its still me..u have no idea how painful it was to hurt u that badly..but u should no also that you've hurt me too syg...it was even worse than me..but you know that i'll still love you..its silly to argue over such small things..u've made me cry not just once...countless times..u know i have always been patient with you..very very patient..i'll plead if i can not to argue with you...its heart breaking..i dun tell you this over the phone or even in msgs cos i'm afraid of you getting mad..every time u scream, i'm being very timid not to talk..crying in the dark n all..i'll forgive n forget..but if u keep repeating it every single time.....i dun even know what to say..u'll know i'll close one eye for you...maybe i cant understand how tired you are when ur working because at the very end of the day, u work is still worst than mine..but baby, i'm working too..everyday....sometimes how many weekends have we sacrificed?...alot syg....alot...but i dun complain that much..cos again i stick to ur decision...i'm sorry that u need ur life too to live...the thought of losing you scares me..its scares me so much tau b...sometimes i sendiri tak tau whether i did anything wrong if you dun msg or dun call me at all..take for example the last 2 weeks..i was like a crazy little gal b..everytime i said no more nonsense, u still do it...nowadays i'm not surprise..u want attention i've given it all..concern..i've given that too...care...i've given that too...love...i've given that every single day...what more do you want...everything is there infront of you..are you blind or u choose not to see it??..i cant be angry with you..u urself know that..every single time we argue..its always the same old thing...u're sick of it..i'm sick of it too syg..love stories u say...b, love stories or fairy tales..it doesnt matter..its reality..this is us..this is how we are..its reality..no fairy tales...no love stories...our relationship is a story to tell..maybe not now..but in the future perhaps..i've reminded you that so many times..every single day..look at what we've gone through..through good times n bad..we're still together..yesh ur not good at expressing urself with words..but i understand it through body language...syg, just bare in mind..i'm here for u..everyday...
sorry ppl...i'm too emotional too blog...i'll stop for now..
.....its get deeper n deeper everyday..